Archive for September, 2013

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Sycamore, my brother, my child

How I long to be connected with you,

and we are, I do know,

but life is so funny, so fragile, so fast,

how do I keep up and let the moments last?

I find myself so wrapped up in me

that it becomes hard to just float

with you.

So many things in my mind come and go,

the days are broken yet very sweet.

I am looking for peace within myself

so that I can live in the moment with you.

I know it is hard to understand

why sometimes I am here

and others I am gone.

Always I love you.  You have my respect.

I admire you so,

your strength and your ways.

Can you feel it, young boy,

do you know where I stand?

I hope so because you deserve so much,

it is my intention, my lasting hope,

that you feel this man who is now your father,

to understand the love that pours forth

and shines upon you.

I will continue to strive to be here for you.

I will continue to love you as this life unfolds

and I will pray that when you look back

you will be able to know that your father

was always so proud to be

connected to YOU.

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the new year chimes

like a cracked and destitute

liberty bell…

my soul rises on fire…

I am ready to bake

my god damned cake…

i’m ready to eat pussy

and pick fruit…

firecrackers and gunshots

sing sultry songs…

the bayous swoon…

music plays out loud…

rhythm…

handsome beats…

time don’t stop,

for me….

There is a little sparrow that lives in the United Express terminal here in Texas.  At first I thought he was trapped… but my mind has mostly changed on that.  This little bird has adapted well to his new environment.  He is afraid of nothing.  He rubs his beak brashly against the plastic arm rests of the regimented, narrow setting benches as if they were branches of a flowering Dogwood tree.  This fierce bird hustles scraps of food from sensitive souls and leaves fine little trails of bird shit at the edges of his modified perches.  He is an odd contrast to this almost exclusively human microcosm.  The incessant ranting and raving over the loudspeaker seems not to bother him.  Perhaps it sounds to him like bird song does to us.  Maybe not.  This bird is a magician, a top class character who adds an interesting flavor to what surely must just be temporary madness.  When I first entered this chaotic terminal I thought the bird needed to be saved.  After spending some time in his presence I realize that it is only us who are in need of salvation.

sparrow-at-the-airport

The scent of jet fuel lingers in the lobby.  Tom DeLay smiles for the cameras on CNN.  My feet hurt in black boots that aren’t always comfortable.  Bottles of water cost $2.89 at the fancy coffee kiosk.  The toilets suck one gallon per flush;  no charge.   My tiny vinyl seat holds on to my ass like a horny girlfriend.  My wife don’t love me no more.  I find myself in airports often these days.  All of this traveling is draining my bank account.  I shouldn’t have a bank account anyway.  Maybe I will dig a hole and plant my money in the ground.  I might just quit paying my bills.  All I really want are my children.  They want me.  We want to be a family.  We want to be together.  That is all.

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Eternity… a poem.

Posted: September 9, 2013 in Spiritual
Tags: , , , , , ,

It was there

by the golden shore

with God’s fine light

casting long shadows

across my nearly endless foreheadIMG_9121

that I became overwhelmed

by the prospect

of eternity.

The full weight of it

hit me with a force

equal to or greater than

the Vatican’s vast darkness.

I thought to myself,

“Holy shit, man!  You are doomed

to meander this twisted realm

for a long time to come!”

And then, with blood pumping in my veins,

I sauntered off…

into my fate.

I am searching for the voice inside

that never ends,

needs no edit,

listens to all,

yet beckons to none.

photo by Helen Geisler

photo by Helen Geisler

I am alive.

I am well.

My picture, my reflection

is different than I would’ve

imagined.

But it is real now.

I can’t pretend

that I am better

or worse,

I am as I am.

Sleep comes quickly

every night

I dream and dream and dream

of sweet love and hopeful thoughts.

this is

my life.

thank you.